He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize