Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
