The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
