Someone shit on the floor
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
