This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
