he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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