so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize