In the future we'll all be gay
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
