I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
