You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
