Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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