dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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