Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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