Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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