I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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