Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
smell my finger.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
