dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
