So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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