I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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