she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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