i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
did i just pee glitter
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
