We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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