i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
