I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
