just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
