I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A bitchslap is in order.
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