She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
