I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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