pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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