I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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