just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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