party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
