Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
