Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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