you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
