maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
