when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
