I heard we made out
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
