Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A+ Viking dick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
