its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
