that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
