Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
