duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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