Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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