I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
