Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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