why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize