I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
