I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
