Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
