I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
