She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
