Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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