rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
