dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
