Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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