I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
