What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
