if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
