He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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