i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
