Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
