I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
