i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
