the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
