I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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