Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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