When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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