guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
