I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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