man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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