tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize