summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
