i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
