is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. Itβs Christmas...and this is why Iβm single.
They are good meatballs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize