You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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