that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
