Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
