She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize